meowdate: (Default)
My second practice novel actually started on Wattpad , but much easier to track the deadline on the NaNoWriMo2015 website, has taught me several things about managing Depression (or PTSD -> anger->depression, sort of...).

First: Making a deadline feels good, even if it is Just/Only YOUR deadline. You DID it.
Second: Physical activity every day, like running or dance, etc, is, at least for me, imperative (and also a sun lamp).
Third: Making a deadline a second time, better than you did the first time, proves you can repeat the feat, thus showing discipline and perseverance. This makes me feel like less of a waste of oxygen, provided I can find a way to use that to help other folks.
Fourth:
Writing 1.) When writing your first/second/fifth practice novel, be sure to have a physical workout routine, preferably involving boxing gloves, AND several people to talk to about all of the crap your writing will drag out of you.

(Remember NOT to use the gloves on the people...)

Writing 2.) For me, at least, plan the ending first...
Writing 3.) Plan setting, time and weather for each scene, not just the plot!!
Writing 4.) Outline by scene, not by # of words (I outlined by 300wds, which ended up driving me nuts toward the end...)
Writing 5.) Do not write a chapter per file, it is a formatting nightmare to insert 18 files (one for each chapter) into one 'book' file on an exhausted day 28!
Writing 6.) Lay out the chapter plan on one large calendar in the same notebook (if at all possible) as the planning notebook (and resist the temptation to plan each chapter on small scraps of paper!! You cannot believe the number of scraps I now have floating around...).
7.) Start on day one, and don't punish yourself for not planning ahead. A planner is not a pantser, and you will feel annoyed if try to write stream-of-consciousness just because you have 2000 words to finish That Day.

Better to take the day to plan out the next two scenes and write them the next day, at least for me.

I found that when I knew the time of day and year and weather as well as what the MC was supposed to do in the next couple of scenes, I could just imagine the flow and zap, 2000 words came out of no where (I did NOT say 2000 Good Words, but that is for the next 3 or 4 re-writes!!!).

and the real

Writing 7.) Set a new notebook aside for the 30-Day 50k challenge, because it will turn into at least a year, and probably 80k words. Before it goes back down to 60k again.

:-)

In Solidarity with All Kind People,
Peace via Cooperation and Non-Cooperation,

ShiraDest
29 November 12015 HE

Shira
meowdate: (Default)
Sorry, not to defend them in any way shape or form, but terrorists are not all psychopaths. This is a crucial distinction to make because most of those kids who blew themselves up recently were brainwashed, just like Patricia Hearst, just like the people in Waco, TX, and just like the 600 followers of Jim Jones. They were all people who felt, maybe felt too much, even had compassion, and got that compassion used against them because they did not know how to ask questions and keep asking where the answers to those questions came from. Just like when I was in a cult group.

First they love-bomb you, half a dozen bear hugs from people you do not know, and the leader and sub-leaders welcoming you with open arms into the family. Kind of like the military, only generally fewer push-ups. But just as much peer-bonding, belonging, and then starts the real pressure. You help convert others to believing because you care about them, you want to save them from suffering, and in any case, a better life awaits them on the other side. So almost no matter what you do TO the non-believer, you are actually doing FOR that person's own good, whether they know/accept it or not. This is USING a vulnerable believers Compassion against him/her, to obtain compliance and even active support when that person (who is neither a leader, sub-leader, nor even a psychopath) is made to feel guilty for not helpping the non-believers -help being defined as the leader defines it. Pamphlets, tracts, harrasment, stalking, forced-conversions, exorcisms, even torture or killing are all justified by the leader as better-for-the-non-believers-and-you-as-a-True-Believer are A BAD Believer if you do not Help these unbelievers in The Way that the leader tells you to. No Questions Asked.

And yes, I speak from experience. Fortunately, I started having panic attacks when I could no longer swallow what my cult leader said, and left, but it still took my months to get out, and years to understand what had happened. And that was with help! These kids indoctrinated by DAESCH are being brainwashed in a similar way, and they also feel isolated, or they would not have been attracted to DAESCH/ISIS, which is essentially a very large, very well-organised and very sophisticated and yet still manipulative cult group.

So please, when The Canard enchaîné (p. 8 yesterday, 25.11.2015) says that Gerhard Roth in Brême is reporting a psyopath gene in an article on terrorism, please remember that the majority of terrorist foot soldiers are only dupes, manipulated to pull the trigger, and in need of help, not just tracking and certainly not torture. It was the torture in Abu Garib and other American prisons that created this in the first place, remember (cannot find the show that re-aired on France television last week, but it showed all the top guys having met and 'hardened' in the big US prison in Iraq...).

Remember that Eisenhower ended segregation for similar reasons -to deprive Japan of potential progaganda against the US, which is what the terrorist leaders are now using to convert western kids into their pawns.

 

Bottom line, we need to walk our talk as a society and take care of the most vulnerable so that there is less to use against us. We need to feed our hungry, clothe our naked, and comfort our sick. Educating our folks for free would be even better, so they can ask the right questions, and create the cooperative jobs that will give us true democracy and equality.

Backk to trying to write 2200 words of climtic chapter, ughghhh...

In Solidarity with All Kind People,
Peace via Cooperation and Non-Cooperation,

ShiraDest

26 November 12015 HE
meowdate: (Default)
First of all, it gives us something in common with our future conquerors, ok just kidding!!

First of all, it is a Free way to socialize in a non-superficial way.
Second, it is physically and mentally health-full (free) activity.
Third, it teaches part of the skills needed for physical self-defense.
and
Fourth, it teaches moving meditation, needed for emotional self-defense.

Did I mention that being together thing, next to other folks of all ages, especially those older folks, who know how to do it all best for having done it for years?
And did I mention the FREE thing, as in spend no money, just move slowly in the public park?

1. If the first point needs explaining, please let me know.

2. I think everyone knows the health benefits of Tai Chi.

3. Many people may not know that this Soft side complement of Chinese Kung Fu is required by many instructors, like my own Shi Fu, in addition to the so called hard side, the fast Kung Fu. The same blocks and attacks or counter-attacks are used, but as slowly as possible, forcing you to develop your balance and stong muscle coordination.
4. On emotional self-defense, of which I believe meditation is an important part, having the strength of sternum to straighten your back and say "I Refuse" to a big drunk guy can often come from your memory of many expensive Tai Chi lessons after those expensive Kung Fu lessons. Worked for me. Again, ask for details if interested, please.
Ok, time to make dinner, too bad the baby lima beans I remember as a kid no longer seem to be around. Oh well, just have to train those pigeons to go fetch some decent corn and beans. Oh, no more carrier pigeons either. What, did Tom poison them all?
Peace,
In Solidarity with All Kind People,
Peace via Cooperation and Non-Cooperation,

ShiraDest

21 November, 12015 HE
meowdate: (Default)
KARA 's "Call to Action
Look for reports or studies on how much your community spends on early childhood programs. Gain an understanding of the economic arguments for educating and saving children. Watch for budget cuts and let your representatives know that saving money by cutting early childhood programs is a false savings as well as unethical legislative stewardship. Educate the people in your immediate circle of influence about the value of early childhood programs."

Founder Mike Tikkannen's book Invisible Children (The American cycle of abuse and its cost)

Please buy or download it (free or make a donation), read it, review it and Share It.

ShiraDest
7 November, 12015 HE
meowdate: (Default)
Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political TerrorTrauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror by Judith Lewis Herman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


This book, for me, was a horrible read. Horribly accurate. Yet hopeful as well.

Horrible to see that I am not so different after all -I see myself in every comment she makes on adults who survived long-term trauma as children.
Horrible to see that my experience is not so different.
Yet hopeful to see that there are ways of solving the problem, living 'normally' -just that ignoring it is not one of those ways.
Most irritating.
Especially after burn-out has twice stopped me from working enough to distract myself from my distracting memories.

She mentions The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma in her 2015 epilogue, and that book seems to recommend both movement and writing -both of which helped me until I had to get back to sitting in a chair looking for a job all day long.

I seem to be stuck in Stage 2, and worst of all, I read over and over again that either in writing or in talking therapy, I must now stop "living in my head" and move back into my body. I have always found it easier to forget to eat then to bother about my body. Work has always been a useful form of escape, until now. Ok, not so much -once I get to about the intermediate level of just about anything, it seems no longer to hold my interest, and I find myself assaulted by unwanted memories that refuse to go back into their Blankety-Blank-Blank!!! boxes.
Irritatingly enough, this is the first place I have seen such a thing predicted.
She even has the gall to predict and counter my 'unique' perspective on my right to choose when to die, and how. Apparently this too is normal for folks like me. Huh. So much for being misunderstood. I guess she has us pegged, finally, Thank the non-existent God!! Finally someone actually documents what we go through, and tells us it is a normal response to a hideous start in life. Ok, now, on to how to fix the problem: start with saftey (years of martial arts did help some), get a good therapist, talk, write, and move your body. And remember that faking functionality will not work forever.

Peace,
ShiraDest
27.10.12015 HE




View all my reviews
meowdate: (Default)
“Economists have calculated that every dollar invested in high-quality home visitation, day care, and preschool programs results in seven dollars of savings on welfare payments, health-care costs, substance-abuse treatment, and incarceration, plus higher tax revenues due to better-paying jobs.37”
― Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

I have asked myself for years how it may be possible to prevent children from being abused, not knowing that there are programs shown to prevent it. 

We as a society and as a human race just have to commit to supporting these programs, that support ALL children.

ShiraDest
27 october 12015 HE (the Holocene Calendar)
meowdate: (Default)
Purgatoire des innocentsPurgatoire des innocents by Karine Giébel

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


(English after French...)

Honte d'avoir survécu, haine contre soi même de n'avoir pas su se protéger, envie abandonner. Effrayant, vachement important à lire.

Guilt for surviving, self-hated for being unable to protect yourself, just wanting to give up. Gut-wrenching, horrifically important to read.


Shira HoloceneHuman Era Destinie
2 Septembre, 12015 èH (HE: Universal Holocene Calendar)





View all my reviews
meowdate: (Default)
    A woman came up to me, after a Zembekiko at a Greek festival in the Boston area, and asked me
'What do you feel when you dance?'  -I had to ask her what she meant; she explained that I seemed to be in another world, as if I were having a spiritual experience, when I danced.  
   Upon reflection, I had to admit that she was right -the beautiful music of the Mediterranean, the Balkans, even of those wild places where men danced with swords in hand, or like Zorba, gone mad with grief -those mournful yet insistent strains pulled me into some place where life existed.   A place, maybe the only place, where I felt alive.

   For me, spirituality seems to be that thing that gives meaning to life, a reason to keep going day after day, eating, breathing.  Why bother?  Because there is beauty in this world, and each person has a particular way of looking at it -a distinctive way of seeing the world. 

For me, writing makes me understand and remember how it felt to be alive, throwing myself into the air, reaching into the clouds, stretching into the breeze.  When the words overwhelm me, refusing to leave me alone, writing them down is the only escape. 
But then, they demand to be pondered.
The emotional work always follows the meaning -is it possible to be happy, and why does that matter?  Action matters.  But thoughts and feelings affect actions.

So I use four criteria to order my days:

1.  An action that gives meaning to my life: either dance or write each day,
2.  A thought that adds to my emotional stability each day, either comprehending my reasons for feeling/behaving a certain way, or meditation on some feeling and the causes behind that feeling, leading to a decision on how to classify and use that feeling in the future.
3.  A physical action that furthers my goals for reaching my body's fullest potential (running a marathon, for example),   and 
4.  An action that furthers my goals for developing my fullest personal intelectual potential (reading a certain number of pages in Turkish, for example).

For me, these four things represent my personal responsibility to reach my fullest potential as a human being, spiritually (if that exists), emotionally, physically and intellectually.  Now, I wonder if and how I can help others do the same?
Shira "Holocene/Human Era" Destinie
20 August, 12015 HE
Bretagne
meowdate: (Default)
I suddenly understand what my principal tried to tell me when I started teaching math -she criticized me, saying that power is not bad, since I could not control my students.  I had difficulty with this, and ended up being fired since I'd lost control of 3 of my 5 classes.  Now I understand -I hate imposing my will on others because I had no choice as a child, and I cannot stand to be like 'that.'  Too bad I did not understand this in 2001.

Je viens de comprendre, tout d'un coup, ce qu'a voulu dire ma chef quand j'avais commencé comme prof de maths -elle m'avait rapproché en disant que le pouvoir n’était pas mal, parce que je n’arrivè pas a contrôler mes élèves.   J'avais du mal à l’écouter, et j'avais fini par être renvoyée car j'avais perdu controlle de 3 des mes 5 classes.  Maintenant je comprends -j'ai l'horreur d'imposer ma volonté aux autres parce que je n'avais pas le chois quand j’étais petite, et je ne veux pas être comme ça.  Dommage que je ne pouvais pas comprendre in 2001.

(response:)
Little by little, you will find these old reflexes, analyse tehm, and put them in the right place so that they no longer keep you from moving forward.

-----------------------------
 Petit à petit, tu vas trouver tous ces (mauvais) anciens réflexes, les analyser et surtout les ramener à leur juste valeur et ils ne t'empêcheront plus d'avancer dans la vie. 


--

Tools every adult needs to have or develop...
25.6.12015 HE

meowdate: (Default)
(Looking back, now I know that my mother was selfish, not brave...) Read, Write, Dream, Teach !

ShiraDest
22 February, 12016 HE

2008-09-13 13:27:00
"karamsar": nagative or realistic?
I was thinking of a Turkish flatmate who told me I was 'karamsar' or pessimistic, one day. We were discussing the issue of marriage and children, and while I was admitting that the desire to have a committed partner with whom I share mutual goals, dreams and aspirations was strong for me, I do not intend to bring any children into this world. She asked why, when I'd expressed a desire to adopt, and have enjoyed teaching both children and adults, and I agreed with a favorite quote from the film "The Rock", where Nicolas Cage says anyone thinking of bring a child into this world "is coldly considering an act of cruelty" -and I proceeded to argue that with such a large number of already unwanted children in this world, there was no excuse for anyone to bring new lives into this uncertain and demonstrably unfair world. She then told me that I was (apparently) hopeless and fairly abruptly ended the conversation.

I wonder how to juxtapose this with a comment made by another friend, here in Britain, that hope seems to be the human condition. I certainly would not be here if enslaved ancestors like my gr. g.g.g.g grandmother Martha Givens Porter had taken the attitude that I have always taken.

I have never understood why an enslaved woman would allow herself to give birth to a child knowing the fate that child would share, but then again, her son, my g.g...grandfather James Ward Porter was born free, and went on to pass legislation in reconstruction era Georgia attempting to help Negroes. So her hope rang true, but how many generations did it take before that was the case, and can it justify the suffering of the generations born before him? Not to mention his own struggles with Jim Crow. Then again, he was born, and that gave him a choice, I suppose, despite not having had the initial choice before birth.

Nowadays I feel a great deal of hope, yet I remain opposed to using my own body to bring a new life into this world, because I lack the ability to ask that soul whether it wants to be born into this world, and I do (as a Mexican friend recently told me) refuse the responsibility to use my power as a woman to create new life without knowing what the fate of the person whom I bring into this world might be. I lack the courage that even my own mother had, and I feel slightly ashamed. Yet I wish to raise up and empower those who are already here without hope, rather than to create an additional mouth to feed. Others will no doubt always want to bring new lives into this world, and perhaps they will consider my position, even as I consider theirs.
Peace,
shiir
(Now, I see that my mother -thanks to an emphatic statement by my keen-minded cousin, is indeed NPD, and had me, as all narcisists have kids, for her own purposes...)Read, Write, Dream, Teach !

ShiraDest
22 February, 12016 HE


March 2016

S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
1314 1516171819
20212223 242526
27282930 31  

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated May. 27th, 2017 12:29 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios