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The night before, I dreamt I was a consultant on a ship w/an insane captain somewhere in the North Atlantic, with giant waves that froze around us like a white out. I ordered and got a shovel, dying digging while the sailors around me gaped as if I were the crazy one. No, digging did not help, but at least I think I died on my feet.

Last night, it was me being attacked by a crocodile : not sure if it was Sacred or not, but at least I died warm!

Ok, I will admit that trippling the number of km Power Walked (Fr, but accessible) (in compensation for km not run, trying to reach 45km/week by mid-March (English, log in needed) ) may not have been the best idea I've had lately, but why the renewed 'My Life is in Serious Danger' dreams now that I've stopped running/walking for the last 4 days?

While I know that Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) aka la Dépression Hivernal, is linked to light, but also to excercise levels (which is why I always take my walks and runs early in the morning), I wonder if the feeling of a cold or flu coming on, combined with having to rest the ankle tendon due to my own stupidity, makes me feel powerless? Obviously the answer is Yes! But it remains irritating, and a bit scary, to see how quickly those fears and despair of just a short while ago can come screaming back, threatening to overwhelm you, just after a few days of darker than usual weather (weekends I generally do not write, so do not sit with my SunLamp), and enforced 'rest' (which is making me more restless by the day, but with a tendon still aching for no apparent reason...).

So, dear friends, my reason for writing this post is as follows: if you feel down, do not give in to despair. Drink a spicy hot chocolate (soy milk and Fair Trade chocolate with cayenne if possible, but if you feel rotten, just a hot choc. may help), and then turn on the lights for a few minutes, and bask in them. Then, get out a pad of paper, and write. Preferably while you wriggle your toes and think of Frodo Baggins!

Then, plan to change your life. Taking risks is scary, but sometimes the only way to make life better, for you and for someone else. Don't let those dreams that tell you your life is in danger go unheeded: especially if the one putting you life in danger might be You.

Human Love,

Read, Write, Run, Teach !

ShiraDest
31 January, 12016 HE
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Repostet from:
https://shiradest.wordpress.com/2015/12/05/neville-longbottom-and-harry-as-kids-with-ptsd/

It is interesting to see how different cultures hide the mistreatment of kids. The Brits seem to be a bit more up front about it, but also more harsh than say, Turks, who adore children.

I am being lazy and re-reading HP2 to work on my Turkish reading, instead of continuing to slog through something by Orhan Pamuk, because I am just too tired (and I am starting to hit words like bequeath while watching my favorite family TV show of all time: My Magical Mother! (Sihirli Annem!) so it really is time to get back to some reading to keep up my Turkish.

But back to Nevile -I identified with him immediately: I was the one walking into walls in Middle School, forgetting everything, and being told to come down out of the clouds. Now I know (and we see in later books with Neville) that these are symptoms of childhood PTSD, which presents differently than with adults.

So please, for the love of God, Humanity, Children and the Human Race, or at least for the love of the planet and the potential creativity of the human race, please look out for such signs in kids and try to understand and help them rather than yelling at them. Don't let them turn into Invisible Children, or worse.

 

In Solidarity with All Kind People,
Peace via Cooperation and Non-Cooperation,

ShiraDest
5th of December, 12015 HE
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Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political TerrorTrauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror by Judith Lewis Herman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


This book, for me, was a horrible read. Horribly accurate. Yet hopeful as well.

Horrible to see that I am not so different after all -I see myself in every comment she makes on adults who survived long-term trauma as children.
Horrible to see that my experience is not so different.
Yet hopeful to see that there are ways of solving the problem, living 'normally' -just that ignoring it is not one of those ways.
Most irritating.
Especially after burn-out has twice stopped me from working enough to distract myself from my distracting memories.

She mentions The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma in her 2015 epilogue, and that book seems to recommend both movement and writing -both of which helped me until I had to get back to sitting in a chair looking for a job all day long.

I seem to be stuck in Stage 2, and worst of all, I read over and over again that either in writing or in talking therapy, I must now stop "living in my head" and move back into my body. I have always found it easier to forget to eat then to bother about my body. Work has always been a useful form of escape, until now. Ok, not so much -once I get to about the intermediate level of just about anything, it seems no longer to hold my interest, and I find myself assaulted by unwanted memories that refuse to go back into their Blankety-Blank-Blank!!! boxes.
Irritatingly enough, this is the first place I have seen such a thing predicted.
She even has the gall to predict and counter my 'unique' perspective on my right to choose when to die, and how. Apparently this too is normal for folks like me. Huh. So much for being misunderstood. I guess she has us pegged, finally, Thank the non-existent God!! Finally someone actually documents what we go through, and tells us it is a normal response to a hideous start in life. Ok, now, on to how to fix the problem: start with saftey (years of martial arts did help some), get a good therapist, talk, write, and move your body. And remember that faking functionality will not work forever.

Peace,
ShiraDest
27.10.12015 HE




View all my reviews
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“Economists have calculated that every dollar invested in high-quality home visitation, day care, and preschool programs results in seven dollars of savings on welfare payments, health-care costs, substance-abuse treatment, and incarceration, plus higher tax revenues due to better-paying jobs.37”
― Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

I have asked myself for years how it may be possible to prevent children from being abused, not knowing that there are programs shown to prevent it. 

We as a society and as a human race just have to commit to supporting these programs, that support ALL children.

ShiraDest
27 october 12015 HE (the Holocene Calendar)
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Purgatoire des innocentsPurgatoire des innocents by Karine Giébel

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


(English after French...)

Honte d'avoir survécu, haine contre soi même de n'avoir pas su se protéger, envie abandonner. Effrayant, vachement important à lire.

Guilt for surviving, self-hated for being unable to protect yourself, just wanting to give up. Gut-wrenching, horrifically important to read.


Shira HoloceneHuman Era Destinie
2 Septembre, 12015 èH (HE: Universal Holocene Calendar)





View all my reviews
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    A woman came up to me, after a Zembekiko at a Greek festival in the Boston area, and asked me
'What do you feel when you dance?'  -I had to ask her what she meant; she explained that I seemed to be in another world, as if I were having a spiritual experience, when I danced.  
   Upon reflection, I had to admit that she was right -the beautiful music of the Mediterranean, the Balkans, even of those wild places where men danced with swords in hand, or like Zorba, gone mad with grief -those mournful yet insistent strains pulled me into some place where life existed.   A place, maybe the only place, where I felt alive.

   For me, spirituality seems to be that thing that gives meaning to life, a reason to keep going day after day, eating, breathing.  Why bother?  Because there is beauty in this world, and each person has a particular way of looking at it -a distinctive way of seeing the world. 

For me, writing makes me understand and remember how it felt to be alive, throwing myself into the air, reaching into the clouds, stretching into the breeze.  When the words overwhelm me, refusing to leave me alone, writing them down is the only escape. 
But then, they demand to be pondered.
The emotional work always follows the meaning -is it possible to be happy, and why does that matter?  Action matters.  But thoughts and feelings affect actions.

So I use four criteria to order my days:

1.  An action that gives meaning to my life: either dance or write each day,
2.  A thought that adds to my emotional stability each day, either comprehending my reasons for feeling/behaving a certain way, or meditation on some feeling and the causes behind that feeling, leading to a decision on how to classify and use that feeling in the future.
3.  A physical action that furthers my goals for reaching my body's fullest potential (running a marathon, for example),   and 
4.  An action that furthers my goals for developing my fullest personal intelectual potential (reading a certain number of pages in Turkish, for example).

For me, these four things represent my personal responsibility to reach my fullest potential as a human being, spiritually (if that exists), emotionally, physically and intellectually.  Now, I wonder if and how I can help others do the same?
Shira "Holocene/Human Era" Destinie
20 August, 12015 HE
Bretagne

March 2016

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