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The night before, I dreamt I was a consultant on a ship w/an insane captain somewhere in the North Atlantic, with giant waves that froze around us like a white out. I ordered and got a shovel, dying digging while the sailors around me gaped as if I were the crazy one. No, digging did not help, but at least I think I died on my feet.

Last night, it was me being attacked by a crocodile : not sure if it was Sacred or not, but at least I died warm!

Ok, I will admit that trippling the number of km Power Walked (Fr, but accessible) (in compensation for km not run, trying to reach 45km/week by mid-March (English, log in needed) ) may not have been the best idea I've had lately, but why the renewed 'My Life is in Serious Danger' dreams now that I've stopped running/walking for the last 4 days?

While I know that Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) aka la Dépression Hivernal, is linked to light, but also to excercise levels (which is why I always take my walks and runs early in the morning), I wonder if the feeling of a cold or flu coming on, combined with having to rest the ankle tendon due to my own stupidity, makes me feel powerless? Obviously the answer is Yes! But it remains irritating, and a bit scary, to see how quickly those fears and despair of just a short while ago can come screaming back, threatening to overwhelm you, just after a few days of darker than usual weather (weekends I generally do not write, so do not sit with my SunLamp), and enforced 'rest' (which is making me more restless by the day, but with a tendon still aching for no apparent reason...).

So, dear friends, my reason for writing this post is as follows: if you feel down, do not give in to despair. Drink a spicy hot chocolate (soy milk and Fair Trade chocolate with cayenne if possible, but if you feel rotten, just a hot choc. may help), and then turn on the lights for a few minutes, and bask in them. Then, get out a pad of paper, and write. Preferably while you wriggle your toes and think of Frodo Baggins!

Then, plan to change your life. Taking risks is scary, but sometimes the only way to make life better, for you and for someone else. Don't let those dreams that tell you your life is in danger go unheeded: especially if the one putting you life in danger might be You.

Human Love,

Read, Write, Run, Teach !

ShiraDest
31 January, 12016 HE
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Sorry, not to defend them in any way shape or form, but terrorists are not all psychopaths. This is a crucial distinction to make because most of those kids who blew themselves up recently were brainwashed, just like Patricia Hearst, just like the people in Waco, TX, and just like the 600 followers of Jim Jones. They were all people who felt, maybe felt too much, even had compassion, and got that compassion used against them because they did not know how to ask questions and keep asking where the answers to those questions came from. Just like when I was in a cult group.

First they love-bomb you, half a dozen bear hugs from people you do not know, and the leader and sub-leaders welcoming you with open arms into the family. Kind of like the military, only generally fewer push-ups. But just as much peer-bonding, belonging, and then starts the real pressure. You help convert others to believing because you care about them, you want to save them from suffering, and in any case, a better life awaits them on the other side. So almost no matter what you do TO the non-believer, you are actually doing FOR that person's own good, whether they know/accept it or not. This is USING a vulnerable believers Compassion against him/her, to obtain compliance and even active support when that person (who is neither a leader, sub-leader, nor even a psychopath) is made to feel guilty for not helpping the non-believers -help being defined as the leader defines it. Pamphlets, tracts, harrasment, stalking, forced-conversions, exorcisms, even torture or killing are all justified by the leader as better-for-the-non-believers-and-you-as-a-True-Believer are A BAD Believer if you do not Help these unbelievers in The Way that the leader tells you to. No Questions Asked.

And yes, I speak from experience. Fortunately, I started having panic attacks when I could no longer swallow what my cult leader said, and left, but it still took my months to get out, and years to understand what had happened. And that was with help! These kids indoctrinated by DAESCH are being brainwashed in a similar way, and they also feel isolated, or they would not have been attracted to DAESCH/ISIS, which is essentially a very large, very well-organised and very sophisticated and yet still manipulative cult group.

So please, when The Canard enchaîné (p. 8 yesterday, 25.11.2015) says that Gerhard Roth in Brême is reporting a psyopath gene in an article on terrorism, please remember that the majority of terrorist foot soldiers are only dupes, manipulated to pull the trigger, and in need of help, not just tracking and certainly not torture. It was the torture in Abu Garib and other American prisons that created this in the first place, remember (cannot find the show that re-aired on France television last week, but it showed all the top guys having met and 'hardened' in the big US prison in Iraq...).

Remember that Eisenhower ended segregation for similar reasons -to deprive Japan of potential progaganda against the US, which is what the terrorist leaders are now using to convert western kids into their pawns.

 

Bottom line, we need to walk our talk as a society and take care of the most vulnerable so that there is less to use against us. We need to feed our hungry, clothe our naked, and comfort our sick. Educating our folks for free would be even better, so they can ask the right questions, and create the cooperative jobs that will give us true democracy and equality.

Backk to trying to write 2200 words of climtic chapter, ughghhh...

In Solidarity with All Kind People,
Peace via Cooperation and Non-Cooperation,

ShiraDest

26 November 12015 HE
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First of all, it gives us something in common with our future conquerors, ok just kidding!!

First of all, it is a Free way to socialize in a non-superficial way.
Second, it is physically and mentally health-full (free) activity.
Third, it teaches part of the skills needed for physical self-defense.
and
Fourth, it teaches moving meditation, needed for emotional self-defense.

Did I mention that being together thing, next to other folks of all ages, especially those older folks, who know how to do it all best for having done it for years?
And did I mention the FREE thing, as in spend no money, just move slowly in the public park?

1. If the first point needs explaining, please let me know.

2. I think everyone knows the health benefits of Tai Chi.

3. Many people may not know that this Soft side complement of Chinese Kung Fu is required by many instructors, like my own Shi Fu, in addition to the so called hard side, the fast Kung Fu. The same blocks and attacks or counter-attacks are used, but as slowly as possible, forcing you to develop your balance and stong muscle coordination.
4. On emotional self-defense, of which I believe meditation is an important part, having the strength of sternum to straighten your back and say "I Refuse" to a big drunk guy can often come from your memory of many expensive Tai Chi lessons after those expensive Kung Fu lessons. Worked for me. Again, ask for details if interested, please.
Ok, time to make dinner, too bad the baby lima beans I remember as a kid no longer seem to be around. Oh well, just have to train those pigeons to go fetch some decent corn and beans. Oh, no more carrier pigeons either. What, did Tom poison them all?
Peace,
In Solidarity with All Kind People,
Peace via Cooperation and Non-Cooperation,

ShiraDest

21 November, 12015 HE
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Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political TerrorTrauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror by Judith Lewis Herman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


This book, for me, was a horrible read. Horribly accurate. Yet hopeful as well.

Horrible to see that I am not so different after all -I see myself in every comment she makes on adults who survived long-term trauma as children.
Horrible to see that my experience is not so different.
Yet hopeful to see that there are ways of solving the problem, living 'normally' -just that ignoring it is not one of those ways.
Most irritating.
Especially after burn-out has twice stopped me from working enough to distract myself from my distracting memories.

She mentions The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma in her 2015 epilogue, and that book seems to recommend both movement and writing -both of which helped me until I had to get back to sitting in a chair looking for a job all day long.

I seem to be stuck in Stage 2, and worst of all, I read over and over again that either in writing or in talking therapy, I must now stop "living in my head" and move back into my body. I have always found it easier to forget to eat then to bother about my body. Work has always been a useful form of escape, until now. Ok, not so much -once I get to about the intermediate level of just about anything, it seems no longer to hold my interest, and I find myself assaulted by unwanted memories that refuse to go back into their Blankety-Blank-Blank!!! boxes.
Irritatingly enough, this is the first place I have seen such a thing predicted.
She even has the gall to predict and counter my 'unique' perspective on my right to choose when to die, and how. Apparently this too is normal for folks like me. Huh. So much for being misunderstood. I guess she has us pegged, finally, Thank the non-existent God!! Finally someone actually documents what we go through, and tells us it is a normal response to a hideous start in life. Ok, now, on to how to fix the problem: start with saftey (years of martial arts did help some), get a good therapist, talk, write, and move your body. And remember that faking functionality will not work forever.

Peace,
ShiraDest
27.10.12015 HE




View all my reviews
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I suddenly understand what my principal tried to tell me when I started teaching math -she criticized me, saying that power is not bad, since I could not control my students.  I had difficulty with this, and ended up being fired since I'd lost control of 3 of my 5 classes.  Now I understand -I hate imposing my will on others because I had no choice as a child, and I cannot stand to be like 'that.'  Too bad I did not understand this in 2001.

Je viens de comprendre, tout d'un coup, ce qu'a voulu dire ma chef quand j'avais commencé comme prof de maths -elle m'avait rapproché en disant que le pouvoir n’était pas mal, parce que je n’arrivè pas a contrôler mes élèves.   J'avais du mal à l’écouter, et j'avais fini par être renvoyée car j'avais perdu controlle de 3 des mes 5 classes.  Maintenant je comprends -j'ai l'horreur d'imposer ma volonté aux autres parce que je n'avais pas le chois quand j’étais petite, et je ne veux pas être comme ça.  Dommage que je ne pouvais pas comprendre in 2001.

(response:)
Little by little, you will find these old reflexes, analyse tehm, and put them in the right place so that they no longer keep you from moving forward.

-----------------------------
 Petit à petit, tu vas trouver tous ces (mauvais) anciens réflexes, les analyser et surtout les ramener à leur juste valeur et ils ne t'empêcheront plus d'avancer dans la vie. 


--

Tools every adult needs to have or develop...
25.6.12015 HE

March 2016

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