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Courage? Not from a Narcisist...
Sep. 13th, 2008 03:34 pm(Looking back, now I know that my mother was selfish, not brave...) Read, Write, Dream, Teach !
ShiraDest
22 February, 12016 HE
2008-09-13 13:27:00
"karamsar": nagative or realistic?
I was thinking of a Turkish flatmate who told me I was 'karamsar' or pessimistic, one day. We were discussing the issue of marriage and children, and while I was admitting that the desire to have a committed partner with whom I share mutual goals, dreams and aspirations was strong for me, I do not intend to bring any children into this world. She asked why, when I'd expressed a desire to adopt, and have enjoyed teaching both children and adults, and I agreed with a favorite quote from the film "The Rock", where Nicolas Cage says anyone thinking of bring a child into this world "is coldly considering an act of cruelty" -and I proceeded to argue that with such a large number of already unwanted children in this world, there was no excuse for anyone to bring new lives into this uncertain and demonstrably unfair world. She then told me that I was (apparently) hopeless and fairly abruptly ended the conversation.
I wonder how to juxtapose this with a comment made by another friend, here in Britain, that hope seems to be the human condition. I certainly would not be here if enslaved ancestors like my gr. g.g.g.g grandmother Martha Givens Porter had taken the attitude that I have always taken.
I have never understood why an enslaved woman would allow herself to give birth to a child knowing the fate that child would share, but then again, her son, my g.g...grandfather James Ward Porter was born free, and went on to pass legislation in reconstruction era Georgia attempting to help Negroes. So her hope rang true, but how many generations did it take before that was the case, and can it justify the suffering of the generations born before him? Not to mention his own struggles with Jim Crow. Then again, he was born, and that gave him a choice, I suppose, despite not having had the initial choice before birth.
Nowadays I feel a great deal of hope, yet I remain opposed to using my own body to bring a new life into this world, because I lack the ability to ask that soul whether it wants to be born into this world, and I do (as a Mexican friend recently told me) refuse the responsibility to use my power as a woman to create new life without knowing what the fate of the person whom I bring into this world might be. I lack the courage that even my own mother had, and I feel slightly ashamed. Yet I wish to raise up and empower those who are already here without hope, rather than to create an additional mouth to feed. Others will no doubt always want to bring new lives into this world, and perhaps they will consider my position, even as I consider theirs.
Peace,
shiir
(Now, I see that my mother -thanks to an emphatic statement by my keen-minded cousin, is indeed NPD, and had me, as all narcisists have kids, for her own purposes...)Read, Write, Dream, Teach !
ShiraDest
22 February, 12016 HE
ShiraDest
22 February, 12016 HE
2008-09-13 13:27:00
I wonder how to juxtapose this with a comment made by another friend, here in Britain, that hope seems to be the human condition. I certainly would not be here if enslaved ancestors like my gr. g.g.g.g grandmother Martha Givens Porter had taken the attitude that I have always taken.
I have never understood why an enslaved woman would allow herself to give birth to a child knowing the fate that child would share, but then again, her son, my g.g...grandfather James Ward Porter was born free, and went on to pass legislation in reconstruction era Georgia attempting to help Negroes. So her hope rang true, but how many generations did it take before that was the case, and can it justify the suffering of the generations born before him? Not to mention his own struggles with Jim Crow. Then again, he was born, and that gave him a choice, I suppose, despite not having had the initial choice before birth.
Nowadays I feel a great deal of hope, yet I remain opposed to using my own body to bring a new life into this world, because I lack the ability to ask that soul whether it wants to be born into this world, and I do (as a Mexican friend recently told me) refuse the responsibility to use my power as a woman to create new life without knowing what the fate of the person whom I bring into this world might be. I lack the courage that even my own mother had, and I feel slightly ashamed. Yet I wish to raise up and empower those who are already here without hope, rather than to create an additional mouth to feed. Others will no doubt always want to bring new lives into this world, and perhaps they will consider my position, even as I consider theirs.
Peace,
shiir
(Now, I see that my mother -thanks to an emphatic statement by my keen-minded cousin, is indeed NPD, and had me, as all narcisists have kids, for her own purposes...)Read, Write, Dream, Teach !
ShiraDest
22 February, 12016 HE
